homeboy wasn't wearing underwear under those pants. ALL NIGHT he's there and passed out and NOT WEARING UNDERWEAR.
jesus christ, if only i had known.

i ran into jimmy will RANSOM in prospect park. he's been living in brooklyn this whole time and i haven't seen him once. i got his business card, we're totally gonna do it and he still looks like fivel.

please please please come with me to niagra on thursday night.
this all american boy who wants to do me is gonna be there.
we can share if you want to. and if you don't just be proud of me
that i like someone who weighs more than me and is blonde.

i just found out my bodega sells loosies.

i'm really quite distressed that colin isn't here for me to badger. how am i going to make it ten more days? he only left yesterday. it's marked on my calendar when he comes back, because he told me to call him and he'll take me to a nice dinner, and as soon as he gets back it's only a few weeks until he leaves again. that's a really small window of time to bone the kid, especially since he thinks it's a "bad idea" and "doesn't want to hurt me" what an ass.

nikki got a puppy, it's name is millie.
apparently this horse's name is habibi.
colin is only nice to me when i become irrationally angry at him and it's getting irritating.

you can totally come to my birthday party on may 7th. that was shitty of me to say you couldn't
come. plus martina will totally make out with you. so will I. and we're playing spin the bottle.

we can look stylish without animals too. it's just not as fun.

dear martina,


love, cat

dear anybody,
find me someone to makeout with and then bone.
preferably ones who are good at both making out and boning.
and by good, i really just mean passable.

thanks alot,
love cat


also, puff paint party. cheap shirts, an opaque projector, pizza, and innumerable pictures of horses, kittens, michael jackson, genitals, bad words in cool fonts, pretty girls, hawks, motorcycles, hydrangeas, rocky and bullwinkle characters, dinosaurs and babies. GO!

come with me to the feverfew show on monday at the knitting factory. i get out of work at nine, i can be there by nine thirty.

my birthday party is the last saturday in april. it also marks the first day of me not working weekends anymore. which means that when you randomly call me to go to crazy hipster parties, i will gladly and willingly say YES (insert your name here), i love you too. now let's go make out with our people.

p.s. my birthday party is mandatory and you can't bring j. whoa.

for fuck's sake it just came out of the box. the box is still in my fucking room. i haven't even installed the software yet because it was broken before it came out of the box. and epson doesn't have 24 service. HELLO! you're epson. and all you can come up with is 9-5 pacific standard? FUCK YOU!

you will hang out with me and the boy and erich and by the end of the night we'll all be having sex. I don't even care who ends up with who. also, you are so NOT done slutting it up. because if we were the golden girls, we'd both be blanche.

i'm sorry, who is this. could you introduce me even though we've already met, hey thanks col col. yeah i know it's your uncle david, yeah so does ashley. she was the one i had to call crying when he left my apartment after making a pass at me. why is he here? no reason really? well that's cool, just make sure all of your friends talk to him a lot so i feel like i don't know anyone and your party is lame. oh, and could you ask him to watch me a lot? like when i'm dancing? great great, yeah. ok we'll i'm gonna go now, but it's not because i feel awkward or uncomfortable. at all. oh wait you don't care. ok bye!

if the milkshake song doesn't play at the party i'm gonna cry. bring it so we can sneak it on. then watch as my milkshake brings all the ex-boyfriends to the yard and they're like "nice hickeys, let's fuck." which by the way is the greatest pick up line ever. i think if i wear a whole lot of jewelry you won't be able to notice. you know, like if i look like Mr. T.

If I pull this off people will start a religion around me. that's how amazing it's gonna be.

dear live journal,
here are some things I like: ravaging, hoisting, bruising, hard core make-out, neon, gold, the song all i want for christmas is you. here are some things I don't like: when cat's wander into my apt. unannounced. when doors fall on my ear. when i email private emails to more people than was intended. more than anything i love martina. maybe even more than boys and mix cd's.